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What It Means To “Catch” Emotional Pressure Early
Most humans react quickly under emotional pressure and end up saying or doing the wrong thing in the moment. The process of “catching yourself” and ensuring you don’t react to the trigger can help you handle pressure in a calmer way, that is more gentle on yourself.
The Gap Between Feeling Emotional Pressure And Reacting To It
We only have ten seconds to do something before our trigger takes over. When I froze in a meeting I remember being completely stuck in that moment, a bit like a rabbit in the headlights.
It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, it’s basically biology doing what it does.
As I discussed in my book, Think Clearly. Lead Calmly. there is real neuroscience at play here. The amygdala is located in your brain and it is responsible for processing memory, decision-making and emotional responses (such as fear, anxiety, and aggression).
You’ve probably been in a high-pressured situation and you ended up reacting (fighting), running away (flight) or staying completely still (froze).
The amygdala is literally firing off faster than any rational thought can enter your head. It even cuts off blood flow to the prefrontal cortex, which has been termed by Daniel Goleman as the “amygdala hijack”.
Where Does This Emotional Pressure Happen?
This clear gap between something happening and the trigger can appear in many different areas of your work. It’s not just in live meetings, it can also happen in your written communications.
For example, you receive an email or a slack message that triggers you and from the point of receiving it to hitting send on a tetchy return email or slack message can be a matter of seconds. It isn’t enough time for your body to actually catch up with your thumbs!
The Signals Worth Watching For
There are some concrete physical and mental signs you can look out for, which indicate that emotional pressure is building. You can keep an eye out for this to catch what is happening before it turns into a reaction.
Breath Goes Shallow
Your breathing starts going faster and shallower when you perceive there is a threat to yourself. It is also the same stress response that makes your heart start to beat faster.
Closing Your Posture
Your shoulders might start rising towards your ears, without you realising it, or you cross your arms in a defensive posture. Some people drop their chin or stick it forward. Also, you might lean back in a retreating position or lean forward and invade somebody’s space.
Shifting Your Tone
When you think you are facing a threat your voice might speed up and the tone could raise as well. On top of this, any warmth you might usually have in your voice can disappear.
What To Do Once You’ve Caught It
Once you have caught yourself and you have realised that your amygdala is trying to get you to react, this is the moment when you can take clear, calm action.
Using Stop. Shift. See. to Deal With Emotional Pressure
In my book and in my coaching sessions I explain how to use Stop. Shift. See. in different situations. It is an easy to use framework that can help you in your professional and personal life.
- When you stop you are creating the gap.
- A shift is taking one deliberate action, such as exhaling slowing, dropping your shoulders or planting your feet on the floor
- The final step is when you see what is happening and your rational mind comes back online.
FAQ
Is this the same as mindfulness?
Not exactly. Mindfulness is a larger practice and usually focuses on present-moment awareness. I am talking about something that is narrower and a lot more practical to use. Noticing the specific physical signs in the exact moment when you feel the emotional pressure, helps you to stop before you react. It is like learning a targeted skill.
How long does it take to notice emotional pressure in the moment?
It takes practice to do this. In the beginning, you start catching yourself just after it happened. Over time, you start catching yourself a lot quicker.
Do I need any background in emotional intelligence to do this?
No, you don’t even need to know what emotional intelligence is or have read about it to start noticing what your breath or your shoulders are doing. You already have the signals, it’s about learning to pay attention to them.
Noticing the signal is the easy part to describe and the hard part to practise. If you want a hand building it into an actual habit, book a free 15-minute call, no pressure, just a conversation.
Sally Leslie is the founder of The Leslie Link. She coaches leaders and senior professionals helping them use emotional intelligence and meditation and build mental resilience in their lives. She’s the author of Think Clearly. Lead Calmly. A Guide for Leaders Under Pressure and The Jacket Potato Shop. She is based between Newcastle, UK and Mallorca, Spain.
